Exposed Feelings
by inferno3000
Summary: Hitsugaya expresses his feelings to Matsumoto one night after she returns from the bar.


**EXPOSED FEELINGS**

Back from another late night of drinking with her friends, Matsumoto stumbled towards her captains office. She was looking forward to seeing him. She would never tell him this, but ever since Gin had left, she had been getting more and more depressed. She found that there were two ways to remedy this, one was to get completely plastered, accomplished. The other was to spend time with her captain. She doubted that anyone knew, the way she acted to all the other men in Seireitei and all, but she found that there was only one person she really loved in her life. Even Gin didn't come close. The reason that she attributed her falling for her tiny captain (she giggled as she thought this) was because he was the only person that she had ever met that really gave a shit about her. Noone else had ever cared for her in such a way.

All of these thoughts were forgotten by the time that she stumbled through the doors to the 10th division headquarters. Hitsugaya looked up as she crashed into his desk.

"Taiiiichouu!!" She mumbled barely coherently. "You know that youuuu are just sooooo," she paused as she burped loudly. Hitsugaya flinched, "sooooo cute!" This statement was reinforced by Matsumoto leaning over the desk and giving Hitsugaya a huge hug, pulling him into her cleavage. She held him like that for so long that he nearly blacked out. When he was finally released from her death grip, he fell back into his chair and took a deep breath. When he had composed himself to an extent, he glared at her.

"Have you done any of your paperwork?" He asked.

Matsumoto stared at him with glazed eyes as she tried to understand his simple question, Hitsugaya inwardly cursed alcohol over and over. Finally, something seemed to click in her inebriated mind.

"Nope!" She said cheerily as she danced around to the other side of the futon and prepared to go to sleep.

Hitsugaya snapped, somehow he managed to keep the volume of his voice in check, but what he said was completely unedited, "You know Matsumoto? You have got to be the worst vice ever. You are completely useless at anything but getting drunk."

Matsumoto looked at him from over the futon. Even through the dark, Hitsugaya could see that he had chosen the wrong words. He saw he eyes shimmer from the dim light on his desk and knew that it wasn't from the alcohol. Looking away from him, she raised a hand to her cover her eyes before she lay down on the futon and disappeared from sight. Hitsugaya couldn't help but listen to her uncontrollable shaking as it cut through the darkness and penetrated his mind. Not knowing what to do, he simply sat there and felt terrible.

Matsumoto had stopped crying several hours ago, she couldn't remember the last time she cried. Not even when Gin had betrayed them all with Aizen and Tousen. The lights had long since gone out, and complete darkness reigned free. She couldn't believe herself, when she was a child, she had gotten so close to Gin only to have all her good memories and trust pulled away from under her. On that day, she had promised to herself that she would never depend on another person. She would take orders from her higher ups and continue working, but she refused to put herself into a position in which she could be hurt so badly again. Over and over she had told herself that it wouldn't happen. Then Hitsugaya had unknowingly penetrated her heart. There was nothing that she could do to stop it. She could only hope that she wouldn't be betrayed again. All those hopes had been fruitless.

She was slightly startled when she saw a shadow approach through the gloom. Pretending that she was asleep, she watched through half closed eyes. Hitsugaya emerged from the darkness and say down on the table opposite her.

"Matsumoto," his husky voice cut through the darkness .

Matsumoto was about to reply before he she realised that he thought she was still asleep. Catching herself, she listened as he continued.

"I'm sorry about what I said before, it's just," he paused as he searched for the best way to phrase what he was trying to say. "I have always found you to be irritating beyond belief." He laughed softly as he recalled some of their memories. "When we first met, I couldn't believe that I had been paired with you. I remember thinking to myself that someone must hate me up there. They must be out to get me if they want me to work with you. I never thought it would work." He looked down onto Matsumoto's peaceful smile and continued. "But as I got to know you, I found that I couldn't have had a better second. You have saved my life countless times." He absentmindedly rubbed his shoulder where Matsumoto knew there was a ragged scar.

_The hollow disappeared from her vision momentarily, Matsumoto was stunned, it shouldn't be able to move that fast. She turned to her captain with a quizzical look on her face just in time to see the hollow reappear behind him. He didn't seem to notice anything amiss and stared blankly back at her. Suddenly she saw that something seemed to almost be growing out of his shoulder. The hollows claws tore through the small captains robe and burst out into the open, covered in blood. Hitsugaya's eyes seemed disbelieving as they followed the talon point down to his own shoulder. He twisted away from the hollow and fell towards Matsumoto. Sword dragging along the ground, he crawled to her feet before collapsing into a heap. Matsumoto cried out in anguish as she jumped towards the hollow that had caused her beloved captain so much pain. It seemed amused as it easily dodged her wild attack. It's claws shot out again and sliced open her arm. Matsumoto barely noticed the wound as she again slashed at the monster. Surprised that the wound had not seemed to have done anything, the hollow was slow to react. This caused it to lose its' head as Matsumoto's sword rent its' pitiful excuse for flesh. Seeing that the hollow was dead, she turned and ran back to her captain. It was her pathetic healing skills that kept Hitsugaya alive until an advance team from the 4th squad met them. _

"I'm so sorry. I just snapped."

He looked down at his feet and hugged himself quietly before continuing.

"After all these years, you have become my best friend. Whenever I need you, you seem to be right there... Apart from when we have paperwork."

He laughed softly at his own joke. Matsumoto fought hard to stifle a giggle. He still thought she was asleep after all.

"I suppose that after all this, I've started to take all these things for granted. I guess that when you spend 100 years with someone, you start to see all the tiniest flaws in them as huge problems."

At this point, Matsumoto could see that he seemed to be shaking. It took her a moment to realise that he was crying.

"All these years, I've been put under so much pressure. I'm cracking Matsumoto. People expect things of me that I can't do anymore."

Matsumoto felt a delightful shiver run through her body as his gaze fell back onto her.

"I've been so afraid all these years that I might fuck up somehow."

Matsumoto's eyes nearly shot open in surprise at hearing her little captain swear.

"Every time I feel that way, I only have to look at you for a moment and I feel like I can take on the world again. Whenever I yell at you, I'm always terrified that I'm going to lose my best friend."

Matsumoto was amazed. All these years she had thought that he only put up with her. To find out that he had been depending on her. It shook her to the core.

"Matsumoto, I hope that I never lose you. I wouldn't be able to live like that."

She opened her eyes to see that Hitsugaya was very close. Again she shivered as he kissed her lightly on the cheek. She had kissed people before, but she had never felt the way she did now. She looked up at him to see him smiling at her.

"Go to sleep now Matsumoto."


End file.
